Playing Catch Up - January Fifth, Sixth & Seventh

Just posting pictures for now because I haven't been able to get in to the writing part much. Hopefully inspiration hits soon. 

January 5th Photo Prompt: Smile

Spotted a smile while working on my cross stitch. 

January 6th Photo Prompt: Where I Stand

Barefoot on a concrete balcony while it's freezing cold outside. I somehow liked the contrast of painted toes and dirty old concrete. 

January 7th Photo Prompt: Minty White

Delicious mint hot chocolate. Perfect for a chilly winter day. 

Hopefully I'll be back soon with some creative writing. Have a lovely weekend!

January Fourth - Quote Me

Writing Prompt: Quote Me

Considering the mixed feelings about my job and the ups and downs (well, mostly downs if I'm honest) that I had last year, this quote seemed appropriate. 

"Sadness, tears, challenges, fears - yes, teaching is filled with all of these - yet it is understandably also filled with laughter and smiles, hope, dreams and rewards beyond measure."

Photo Challenge : Overlooked 

Struggled to find an idea for this one - thanks to my brother for his ideas, I was able to find a photo to post. 

Until tomorrow!

January Third - Outside the Window

Writing Prompt: Outside the Window

It's 5 in the morning. I stare out the window on the 18th floor of my building. I can see for a couple of blocks in each direction. Not that there's much to see. The streets are quiet, one or two cars every few minutes. The light from the lamposts glistens on the slick roads. It has been raining and it doesn't look to be letting up. The fog is rolling in making it difficult to see much. 
Most homes are dark, everyone still asleep. I wonder about the apartments with lights on; is someone getting ready for work? Perhaps they are just getting home? Maybe they simply can't sleep, like me, minds full of thoughts, ideas, worries. Who knows, perhaps they are even observing and wondering about the lights coming from my apartment. 

Photo Challenge: Contemplate

 I have been thinking about trying to paint for a while now. Perhaps I will be inspired to pick up a paintbrush and experiment soon. 

January Second - Resolved

Writing Prompt : Resolved

I can't recall a single time that I have stuck to my New Years Resolution for an entire year. Upon reflection, I ask myself - you decided that resolutions had to be for the whole year? We put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to stick to a (usually) unattainable goal. Why tell yourself you're going to go to the gym every weekday if you have never done it before and gym's just aren't your thing? Why decided to stop drinking alcohol or coffee or pop if you drink those every day? We pick these goals that we think are ideal but really, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment. 

So, what's different this year? No resolutions at all? No. I have a few, but they are attainable, reasonable and vague. I am setting myself up for success. I have resolved to be nicer to myself than I have in past years. Does it mean I have to be nice to myself for 365 days? No. I can't be disappointed in myself or have "bad" days? No. I am just determined to be nicer to myself more often than I was in 2016. I will not let myself fall as low as I did last year. I will take care of myself, be a better me than months before, I will strive to love myself just a little bit more than I did before. This is an attainable goal, and I will reach it. 

Photo Challenge: One Word

I wasn't too sure how to approach this subject - do I pick a word and take a picture that represents it or do I take a picture of a word? I decided to snap this: the cover of my writing prompt book; a word that represents something that makes me happy; a character from a series of books I love. It all seemed appropriate. 

Enjoy, check back tomorrow!

January First - Stroke of Midnight

Photo Challenge : Happy New Year!

Writing Prompt: Stroke of Midnight

Last night, as 2016 turned in to 2017 at the stroke of midnight, there is no other place where I would have rather been. I was at a small party with my husband. Our very first New Year's celebration as husband and wife. With us were great friends, the hosts, who are getting married in 2017, it seems appropriate. Lastly there were a few other people, an interesting mix to say the least; a fun and friendly group of people. My thought as I left for the night : I have not laughed that much in a very, very long time.

Cheers to the New Year😊

IT'S 2017!

Good morning everyone,

A quick post to say HELLO! I've not been blogging because... well it's not been a good few month. However, I'm back, and I have a plan!

Today, I start 365 days of writing prompts and 365 days of photos!

Stay tuned for entry #1!

Happy New Year!

Super Saturday!

Well, I'm in a great mood at the moment.. why? Because I got my ass back to kickboxing! And I got my ass kicked! And it felt great! 

I haven't been kickboxing in over a month, which is what this post will be about, but damn it felt good to be back! I know I will be sore tomorrow, and I honestly felt like I was back to Day 1, but this is the push that I needed. 
So, what is this all about? Let's start at the beginning...

I believe I mentioned before that I was on a sick leave from work last school year. In all, I didn't work for 6 months. Most people would LOVE that amount of time off, and I admit I was very thankful to be able to take the time to work on myself while still getting paid. So, in that time I went through a lot of stuff, I started weekly psychotherapy, I got married, I went on an amazing Honeymoon to Portugal, I started medication to treat depression and anxiety, I started a workbook called Mind Over Mood and I was pretty much going kickboxing daily or at least 4 times a week. I was very up and down about life and how things were going and working on my perception of things and so on. But there was one constant : get up in the morning and go kickboxing. Part of what kept me going there is the amazing owner and instructor Tracey - she is definitely the push you need sometimes and she's there for you, good or bad. I also made a friend there and we were encouraging each other to go. And one more friend was encouraging a lot to come to the intermediate classes. I say it now, and I will say it many times over, I am truly thankful for those people in my life. 
Everything seems pretty great up until now. So, what happened? Well, I went back to work, that's what happened. I won't explain the whole going back to work process, that's for another day. Now, for anyone who hasn't gone through something like this, it's very, very difficult to see my perspective of things and it's very, very easy to make hurtful, uniformed, biased comments based on your own perception of the situation. To an outsider, I might seem to be lazy, a complainer, negative, inactive, someone who finds excuses for everything, malcontent; the list goes on. I don't think that I can properly explain the feelings I go through everyday, and I won't attempt to. However,  I will paint you a clear image of my day:

After struggling to get a good night sleep, I wake up. My first thought it is a positive one: "You CAN do this Chantal. Today is a new day. Today will be better than yesterday." I struggle to hold on to that thought so that I can get myself out of bed. I brew a pot of coffee and while I wait for it to be done, I start to put my costume on. I call it a costume because as I dress, I start to feel my disguise coming together. The teacher ensemble that gets me through the day. As I drink my first cup of coffee, I start to do my makeup. I call it my warrior paint. I layer on the face that I'm going to try to wear all day. When I'm done, I feel like I am ready to face my spectators : my students, my principal, the parents, my co-workers, and anyone else who crosses my path today. Before I walk into the building, I take a deep breath, or two. I am ready. I can do this. 
I usually start my day off pretty well, not always, but usually. Throughout the day I continuously check myself. Sometimes I take an extra bathroom break so that I can remove my disguise for a few minutes, stop the show just for a few seconds. But I quickly get back into character and get back out there. The entire day is like this, keeping up appearances. And then, at 4 o'clock (if i'm lucky) usually mostly around 5, I finally crumble. There is nothing left in me to keep going. I walk in and today's performance is over. I don't relax though, I don't feel good, I have nothing left in me. My husband sees it, and I feel terrible about it. Everyone else gets the best of me, and he's left with the broken pieces at the end of the day. I sometimes manage to make dinner, sometimes I don't. I can't get myself to kickboxing. Definitely not. And then, it's another sleepless night until the show starts again tomorrow. 

I understand to an outsider this description might seem dramatic. It's okay for you to see it that way. It's okay for you to not understand. It's okay. 

So, all of that to say - I stopped kickboxing. I didn't have it in me to go. I didn't have it in me to face anyone else. I didn't have the energy to punch, or kick, or scream at a bag. I had nothing left to give. I decided that I would take the month of October off. Try to figure something out to make it all work. This way, I stopped beating myself up for not going. My therapist would say : "You took it off your to-do list for this month." When something is off your list, you're not allowed to beat yourself up for not doing it. So that's what I did. 

Well, now it's November, and kickboxing is back on my list. I had planned to go back on November 1st, but it didn't happen. It's okay. Today is November 5th. I woke up, I didn't put any warrior paint on and I got my ass there. I worked hard, I struggled, I swore, I wanted to give up, but I didn't. I did the whole hour, and I loved every minute of it. And at the end of it all, I was reminded of how much I NEED that place. How much I LOVE kickboxing. How much I APPRECIATE the people there. I realized that I OWE it to MYSELF to go kickboxing as often as I can. There's no need for a painted face, a spectacle, an act when I'm there. I can show up crumbled and broken and there will always be someone there to help you get through it, to help put you back together again. Afterwards, I can head home and my husband gets a whole person, not fragmented pieces of me, but all of me. 
I feel good, I feel energized, I feel happy. Here's to a new month and to getting back on track. 

Have a lovely weekend readers!

xo